Shut up! This is my opinion

3 questions arise after witnessing the events that transpired these last few weeks: How dare the government neglect the needs of the citizens? How dare the public protest in such a disorderly and reckless manner? And how dare the media highlight this case alone and neglect the others.

Hello everyone. I’m Abhishek, your average middle class Indian. I live in a big house and have a 4mbs internet connection which gives me access to face book. I've ‘liked’ plenty of posts and photos which echoed my sentiments towards the Delhi Rape incident and even took the pain and effort to incessantly type out 500 word comments airing my lucid views on what needs to be done to turn this country into Utopia. I refused to go out into the streets to protest because my thought process was and still is a tad different from the ones out there holding banners... well at least most of them. My argument was/is this: All these people gathered at Jantar Mantar... what on earth do they expect? Instantaneous gratification? I've been watching these interviews with random protesters and they all had an air of misplaced patriotism about them.

“We want the government to create a strong law against rape” one said. I’m sorry (not sarcasm) but that simply cannot happen at the push of a button. “We want death penalty for rape” said another. What will this serve to achieve? Instead, as Ram Jethmalani succinctly put it, it would only give the rapists motive to murder the victim once she/he has been assaulted. So yes, I still stand by what I said earlier. I will not protest because I personally don’t believe that the slogans are completely justified. But hey, *insert ‘entitled to my opinion’ rhetoric here*

Anyway, I digress.

Let us look at the other team of players in this battlefield - Our honourable politicians. You guys do have your flaws. Be it Mamata Bannerjee (woman mind you) insinuating that rape is caused due to men and women interacting freely or Abhijit Mukherjee’s audacious remarks (I’m embarrassed to even quote them). It doesn’t stop there. As much as I personally believe that the problem isn’t solved by striking fear into the hearts of potential rapists, you guys with your medieval principles and tainted paycheques have done close to nothing to make this country any better in the last decade or so. I’m not talking about just rape here. So yeah, stand up and be accountable.

Ahh... and the media... always playing the role of the mediator. Cunningly poking both the citizens and the government when they’re not looking and shouting, “They did it!!!” You guys are no saints either.

Phew... I’m glad I got all that cynicism out of my system. Now let’s go over what just happened. The people are at fault for being “hypocrites” and mindlessly protesting for a slogan they don’t know the meaning of. The government is at fault for being pathetically inefficient. And ofcourse, the media is at fault for relaying distorted information and then shouting, “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger”.

So where does that leave us? Seems like all roads lead to the same destination – Nowhere. Well that’s true to a certain extent and unfortunately inevitable. Will we get the justice we fight for? The government will definitely turn but what will it be – a new leaf or the other cheek? These are questions that only time has the answers to. Ok, so here’s where I stop stating the obvious and come to the real point.

I’ve been in Delhi for 4 years now and I’ve already witnessed 3 large scale protests at the very grounds which have been barricaded by the police today. The people are obviously agitated. I’ve also witnessed more and more politicians (mostly of the younger generation) stepping out of their comfort zones and admitting that the system needs to undergo radical changes. What most of us aren’t fully aware (or should I say conscious) of is that beneath the crumbling walls of a failing bureaucracy, beneath the daily mundane pettiness of the common man, beneath all the insignificant and nugatory armchair arguments, a storm is brewing. Some might say, the people are finally waking up. Some even say the constitution is changing. But all in all, what IS no doubt happening is that this country is moving forward. The government cannot survive without its people and the people cannot survive without governance. As for the media... hey, you need both of us. We all have our flaws as I elucidated at the start and individually there is very little we can do to fix them... but when we live together(I did not say work) we can overcome them. How? Let’s use Damini’s struggle for justice as an example. The flaws of our government have made us question the reasons behind the series of brutal attacks on women. It has served to amplify the voice of the feminists. It has even led some of to question our own culture and tradition, the same patriarchal society we’ve been raised in. In a population of 1.2 billion people, I think it’s safe to say atleast one orthodox conservative husband will go back home and apologise to his wife who he has been mercilessly abusing for the last few years. He will also probably sit down with his son and tell him that what he did was wrong and that women are not meant to be treated as objects.

Damini did not die in vain. She did what no Indian could ever do - Unite this nation. I’ve been a disbeliever of humanity for most of my life because my horizon ended with the scrutiny of mankind’s many flaws. What I did not realise is that this is precisely where the solution lies.

I’m writing this not out of any bold cry for justice or expression of sentiment but for the people (once like me) who are starting to lose hope on change. Most of curse ourselves for being prisoners of birth I write this to reassure you that all hope is not lost. Have faith in the people... but more importantly, have faith in yourself.

I Want to Kill Myself

“I feel like killing myself”.

Oh come on now. Don’t look at me like that. We’ve all said this to ourselves at some point of time in our lives. You know ... those dreary and obscure moments when things seem to be going horribly wrong. It is something we often... oops... seldom... tell ourselves in moments of isolation. A hint of retrospection that takes us a few ticks of the clock back in time when we analyse and over analyse and over analyse and over analyse our apparent mistakes and finally conclude that we’re doomed to be failures... that nothing can ever go right for us... that the only solution is to end it all and gently sink into oblivion. An “escape”, as some might choose to call it is something we’ve all thought of, be it just for a fraction of a second or years at end.

Sometimes it’s just our curiosity that makes us want to kill ourselves. What? Aren’t you curious about what happens after death? I know I am. And what better way to find out then kill ourselves? I mean... nobody is going to kill you just because you asked them to? Why should they? Our governments have laws forbidding these kinds of things. And if they were to get caught, they could be put away in those dark and dingy cells for years while you’re bouncing up and down in the clouds of heaven or sipping margaritas and basking under the suns of hell. That just wouldn’t be fair now would it? Hence kill yourself... go ahead... find out... and leave a comment describing how it feels on my blog. J

 So why don’t we do it?

Before I answer that, one first needs to understand why people DID commit suicide in the first place. Note how I used “did” instead of “do”. My grammar Nazi mother will be so proud!

Jokes aside, my quest took me far away from my humble dwelling in Noida. I had to traverse the seven seas, scale the highest speaks and burrow through the most desolate rain forests of South America. I had breakfast with the Dalai Lama, lunch with the renowned German scholar and anthropologist, Dr. Adolf Schweinsteiger and supper with the infamous Wakataki tribe witch doctor.

I returned home in an auto rickshaw, an enlightened soul. I finally had my answer - they all made a mistake.

Believe me when I say this, if every individual who had committed suicide could rewind back 5 minutes before they actually did, there is a huge possibility they would change their minds. No matter how much of time and planning you invest, you’re never fully certain you want to go ahead with it until those final few seconds. How am I so sure of myself? Simple... try talking to people who have actually tried committing suicide and yet failed due to unforeseen circumstances – The fall wasn’t hard enough, the medication wasn’t strong enough, the knife wasn’t sharp enough and so on and so forth. None of them would make a second attempt.

For what it’s worth, read this article: http://ladyarse.co.uk/2012/09/football-isnt-life-or-death/

This might sound clichéd but it’s true in every sense. If you(yeah you, Mr/Ms. suicide attempter) remained in purgatory long enough to see the amount of sorrow your death would cause, you would feel like killing yourself (if that made sense). Because no matter how resentful, depressed, bitter, despondent, remorseful you might feel; the loss of your life would be infinitely more tragic to the people who care about you. Don’t even think about telling me no one does, because you are too blind and naive to accept what is, because you take for granted the ones that do.

Ok so I lied... sigh. I didn’t actually meet with the witch doctor of the Wakataki tribe in the Amazon rainforest. I used Google. It’s amazing what you can find out from the internet these days. They have everything. Though on the other hand, if Indiana Jones had Google, we would never have had “Raiders of the Lost Ark” now would we?

Anyway, coming to part 2 – Why DON’T people commit suicide? Before I get into that, here’s an interesting statistic for you: 100% of all living human beings who’ve considered committing suicide are still alive. Hee hee hee.

While rummaging through the internet I became acquainted with a peculiar term: Suicide Survivor. Your first guess is as good as mine... but we’re both wrong. The term “Suicide Survivor” does not refer to someone who has attempted suicide and failed but the loved ones the victim left behind. If you happen to be a suicide survivor, you might find my satirical humour unamusing or rather quite slanderous. I apologise if I have hurt your sentiments in anyway, but I must ask you this: Is your anger aimed at the things I have said or at the person you’ve lost? Do you forgive him/her for taking his/her life away from you?

If you’ve read my previous posts, you’ll know I like blending in bits of humour with my work to mitigate the solemness of the situation. No one enjoys having to endure pain and suffering. Thomas Jefferson defined it as “the right to the pursuit of happiness”. Because that’s what life is all about - A world devoid of pain and suffering. Isn’t that what we’re all striving towards?

Somewhere along those lines lies the answer to my second question. And now I speak to the lot of you undergoing so called emotional turmoil. If it helps, I used to be one of them.

When you stand on top of the roof with your arms outstretched mimicking the Christ Redeemer, what stops you from taking the ultimate plunge? Do you suddenly see the bright light at the end of the tunnel? Does a bolt from the blue epiphanise your existence? Does an inner voice cleanse your soul and add deeper meaning to your life? Bullshit! You’re all scared aren’t you? I don’t blame you. Who wouldn’t be? Hell knows what awaits you in the afterlife. What guarantee is it that things down there won’t be worse than things up here?

Fact is, no matter how many times you tell yourself that things can’t possibly get worse, that you’ve had enough and simply can’t take it anymore, there is a tiny voice inside you that says, “fuck this shit, let’s see how things go today. I’ll jump tomorrow. I don’t know which son of Einstein came up with the quote but it couldn’t be more true in this regard – Tomorrow never comes.

You can always find a reason to live. For something as vast as changing the world or something as minuscule as watching the next episode of “How I Met Your Mother” ... come on!!! Don’t you at least want to live long enough to find out who the mother is?

The problem is that sometimes, we’re too exhausted to search for reasons. We brandish our hardships (not to the world mind you, but to ourselves. This is an internal conflict) to such an extent that we forget to even bother searching for reasons to smile. Because at that point of time, when we’re so caught up in trying to be depressed, we forget the simpler things in life. We forget that rainbows and sunshines exist for a reason. We forget the liberating feeling of dancing in the rain. We forget the alluring scent of roses. We even forget how fucking awesome it feels to have sex!!! Lets face it, life is not worth giving up when you can still have sex.

So if everyone goes through the same perpetual suicide cycle – Depression, Cliff hanger, Epiphany, Rejuvenation - Why bother stating the obvious? Well frankly, I’m just trying to save you all some time. Don’t waste your days devising devious ways of ending your miserable existence when you know you won’t do it. Tomorrow might never come, but yesterday most certainly won’t. You’ll never get back the days you lose. You will die someday. We all will. There is no need to speed up that process. Let mother nature do her thing. She’s good at what she does.

Sometimes we feel like giving up because our goals seem unattainable. We grow tired and impatient and immediately search for the easy way out. Well if you find one, good for you, but mind you... suicide is not the answer. You will regret it – whether you survive or live in purgatory – you will most certainly regret it.

You will get what you want if you truly want it... or you will die trying. But you will never die in fear of never achieving it. Because the fear of death conquers all other fears. Every breathing cell in our body wants to live. We were born to live, to let live and live some more. The odds are stacked against you.

Toh please bhai, Mother Nature se panga mat lena.

(So please, bro. Don’t pick a fight with mother nature.)

I'm Cool Because I Hate Linkin Park

So I’ve just returned home from the theatres after watching a splendid little musical called, “Rock of Ages”. As the name suggests, it is a tribute to the glittery life of the 80s: A psychedelic concoction of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. I thoroughly enjoyed myself as we dwindled through the age of blonde hair and black leather tied up with six strings... if you know what I mean.

During the interval, my dad and I had a pretty intense debate on the evolution of music. The typical never ending “Then and Now“argument where he emphasises on the fact that music just isn’t what it used to be, with all the synthetic sounds and electronic voodoo. Me being the fervid patriot that I am towards my generation countered that with the usual “times change, get with it. We don’t like your music either” rhetoric.

It got me thinking though. What has music become? What have we made it? What is it turning into? Human beings are blessed with the ability to process different wavelengths of sound and converge them into a single modulated frequency configured by our brain in order to stimulate the pleasure inducing neurons, thereby raising the hair on the back of our necks and getting us high as fuck!

That’s all that music is - A drug. It comes in many shapes, sizes and sounds... each one flowing through our bloodstream at its own pace and intensity. Like all things, it has changed over time. Different times, different people and different tastes. That’s the way it works, isn’t it? So how does one decide which one is better? Simple answer, really. You don’t.

When we compare footballers, how do we decide if Pele was better than Maradona? When dealing with fashion, how can we say the boot cut is superior to the low waist? It’s the same story with every sphere of our lives. So why make an exception when it comes to music? I’ve given it some thought and......


The problem with society when it comes to music is that it has now become a symbol of status and lifestyle. The music we listen to is supposed to define the kind of people we are in real life. I’m cultured if I listen to Jazz. I’m a rebel if I listen to heavy metal. I’m a thug if I listen to hip hop. I’m a hippie if I listen to psy-trance.

Personally speaking, I listen to all of the genres I listed above. And no, not just in a casual iPod shuffle play list kind of way. I’m vehemently passionate about my music. So what does that make me? Quantum Mechanics personified? (Engineering pun intended. You’re forgiven if you don’t get it.)

Another way by which music has been corrupted is evident in our desire to stand out in a crowd. The music we listen to differentiates us from one another. Hence, the lesser the number of people listening to my music, the more unique I am. I still remember, this friend of mine asking me what metal bands I enjoy listening to. Without giving it much thought, I answered, “Lamb of God and Metallica”. He let out a smug laugh and very patronisingly said, “Dude you have to listen to more metal than that”. Still maintaining my cool, I asked him, “So what bands do you listen to?” His reply: “Oh you know... I’m a huge Meshuggah fan”. I smiled and said, “I saw them play live a couple of months ago”. 

It is precisely this attitude that makes most of us condescend musical acts like Linkin Park, Eminem, Lady Gaga and *insert Grammy award winner here*. These acts have become victims of their own successes. Their fame has now disparaged them in the eyes of the connoisseurs of their genres. This is most evident when it comes to hip hop. You’re not a true hip hop fan if you don’t listen to rappers like Immortal Technique and Rakim. “Oh you listen to Eminem and Nicki Minaj? Bitch please; you ain’t no hip hop fan!”

Listening to music today has transmogrified into a bizarre practice of competing to see who has the best and most polished taste. More than complimenting our favourite bands, we criticise the others. Heavy metal fans can’t stand the sound of verbose lyricism while the hip hoppers think it’s ridiculous to scream into a mic!
So where do we go from all this? Are we all fools to become slaves to commercial advertising? I’m gonna be very honest with you. The last 800 words or so have just been a mere waste of your time as well as mine. Why? Because at the end of the day, this debate/discussion is pathetically trivial with respect to the bigger picture that is... Music still gets us high as fuck!!

Regardless of all the petty quarrels and heated arguments, when we’re in the zone... when we go out there in those jam packed 30’000 capacity grounds, our bodies clinging to one another, blatantly oblivious to the reek of alcohol and sweat that lingers in the air... when we watch our favourite bands come on stage and play/strum/screech those notes.... in the words of Metallica, “Nothing Else Matters”. All our third world problems cease to exist as we sway from side to side to the rhythmic beats of our musical deities.... and nothing else matters.

Fact is, we all love our music. We just have a very juvenile and careless way of expressing it. Nothing can change the simple truth that every form of music will have its own army to fight for it. My dad’s generation was unstoppable. Mine is immovable. So what happens when our worlds collide? Nothing. Life goes on. So does the music.
I’m going to end by quoting my favourite lines from the documentary, “A head bangers’ journey (do watch it if you haven’t already”. The quote was made with respect to heavy metal, but I’m pretty sure it’s valid for every form of music.

“Ever since I was 12 years old, I've had to defend my love of heavy metal against those who say it's a less valid form of music. My answer now is that you either feel it, or you don't. If metal doesn't give you that overwhelming surge of power and make the hair stand up on the back of your neck, you might never get it. And you know what? That's ok; because judging by the 40,000 metal heads around me, we're doing just fine without you.”

Dear Father

This was a poem I had written a long time ago. Managed to dig it up somehow. A humble request though. Don't try reading too much into it. I love my father very much... more than life itself.
Right... now that the senti stuff is out of the way.. make way for... umm.. well more senti stuff. Happy reading!


Dear Father, forgive me for I am not your perfect son,
Forgive me for not being the person you hoped I’d become,
As the days pass by and you watch me grow
Into a person you might never claim to know,
You ask yourself... “Where? Where did I go wrong?”
The answer dear father lies in the words of this song

Ask not what you did, but what you did not do...
Ask none but yourself, the reason is you!
Dear father, forgive me... but your dreams are not mine
I’m not the person you were back in 1979
I tried to make you happy, but you turned the other cheek
Your dreams are not a reflection of the path I choose to seek
And I accept this, dear father. Believe me, I do.
I guess I can never grow up to become someone like you

I loved you, dear father, from the day you first held my hand
Till the winds of change blew away every grain of sand
And now time ceases to flow as we gently drift apart,
There is nothing that can mend this son’s broken heart
I bleed as I write this... dear father, I bleed!
I cry dear father... but you pay no heed,
I shout one last time, but my voice remains unheard
Dear father, forgive me for these are my last words..............