“I feel like killing myself”.
Oh come on now. Don’t look at me like that. We’ve all said
this to ourselves at some point of time in our lives. You know ... those dreary
and obscure moments when things seem to be going horribly wrong. It is
something we often... oops... seldom... tell ourselves in moments of isolation.
A hint of retrospection that takes us a few ticks of the clock back in time
when we analyse and over analyse and over analyse and over analyse our apparent
mistakes and finally conclude that we’re doomed to be failures... that nothing
can ever go right for us... that the only solution is to end it all and gently
sink into oblivion. An “escape”, as some might choose to call it is something
we’ve all thought of, be it just for a fraction of a second or years at end.
Sometimes it’s just our curiosity that makes us want to kill
ourselves. What? Aren’t you curious about what happens after death? I know I
am. And what better way to find out then kill ourselves? I mean... nobody is
going to kill you just because you asked them to? Why should they? Our
governments have laws forbidding these kinds of things. And if they were to get
caught, they could be put away in those dark and dingy cells for years while
you’re bouncing up and down in the clouds of heaven or sipping margaritas and basking
under the suns of hell. That just wouldn’t be fair now would it? Hence kill
yourself... go ahead... find out... and leave a comment describing how it feels
on my blog. J
So why don’t we do
it?
Before I answer that, one first needs to understand why
people DID commit suicide in the first place. Note how I used “did” instead of “do”.
My grammar Nazi mother will be so proud!
Jokes aside, my quest took me far away from my humble
dwelling in Noida. I had to traverse the seven seas, scale the highest speaks
and burrow through the most desolate rain forests of South America. I had
breakfast with the Dalai Lama, lunch with the renowned German scholar and anthropologist,
Dr. Adolf Schweinsteiger and supper with the infamous Wakataki tribe witch
doctor.
I returned home in an auto rickshaw, an enlightened soul. I
finally had my answer - they all made a mistake.
Believe me when I say this, if every individual who had
committed suicide could rewind back 5 minutes before they actually did, there
is a huge possibility they would change their minds. No matter how much of time
and planning you invest, you’re never fully certain you want to go ahead with
it until those final few seconds. How am I so sure of myself? Simple... try talking
to people who have actually tried committing suicide and yet failed due to unforeseen
circumstances – The fall wasn’t hard enough, the medication wasn’t strong
enough, the knife wasn’t sharp enough and so on and so forth. None of them
would make a second attempt.
For what it’s worth, read this article: http://ladyarse.co.uk/2012/09/football-isnt-life-or-death/
This might sound clichéd but it’s true in every sense. If
you(yeah you, Mr/Ms. suicide attempter) remained in purgatory long enough to
see the amount of sorrow your death would cause, you would feel like killing
yourself (if that made sense). Because no matter how resentful, depressed, bitter,
despondent, remorseful you might feel; the loss of your life would be
infinitely more tragic to the people who care about you. Don’t even think about
telling me no one does, because you are too blind and naive to accept what is,
because you take for granted the ones that do.
Ok so I lied... sigh. I didn’t actually meet with the witch
doctor of the Wakataki tribe in the Amazon rainforest. I used Google. It’s
amazing what you can find out from the internet these days. They have
everything. Though on the other hand, if Indiana Jones had Google, we would
never have had “Raiders of the Lost Ark” now would we?
Anyway, coming to part 2 – Why DON’T people commit suicide?
Before I get into that, here’s an interesting statistic for you: 100% of all
living human beings who’ve considered committing suicide are still alive. Hee
hee hee.
While rummaging through the internet I became acquainted
with a peculiar term: Suicide Survivor. Your first guess is as good as mine...
but we’re both wrong. The term “Suicide Survivor” does not refer to someone who
has attempted suicide and failed but the loved ones the victim left behind. If
you happen to be a suicide survivor, you might find my satirical humour
unamusing or rather quite slanderous. I apologise if I have hurt your
sentiments in anyway, but I must ask you this: Is your anger aimed at the
things I have said or at the person you’ve lost? Do you forgive him/her for
taking his/her life away from you?
If you’ve read my previous posts, you’ll know I like
blending in bits of humour with my work to mitigate the solemness of the
situation. No one enjoys having to endure pain and suffering. Thomas Jefferson
defined it as “the right to the pursuit of happiness”. Because that’s what life
is all about - A world devoid of pain and suffering. Isn’t that what we’re all
striving towards?
Somewhere along those lines lies the answer to my second
question. And now I speak to the lot of you undergoing so called emotional
turmoil. If it helps, I used to be one of them.
When you stand on top of the roof with your arms
outstretched mimicking the Christ Redeemer, what stops you from taking the
ultimate plunge? Do you suddenly see the bright light at the end of the tunnel?
Does a bolt from the blue epiphanise your existence? Does an inner voice
cleanse your soul and add deeper meaning to your life? Bullshit! You’re all
scared aren’t you? I don’t blame you. Who wouldn’t be? Hell knows what awaits
you in the afterlife. What guarantee is it that things down there won’t be
worse than things up here?
Fact is, no matter how many times you tell yourself that
things can’t possibly get worse, that you’ve had enough and simply can’t take
it anymore, there is a tiny voice inside you that says, “fuck this shit, let’s
see how things go today. I’ll jump tomorrow. I don’t know which son of Einstein
came up with the quote but it couldn’t be more true in this regard – Tomorrow never
comes.
You can always find a reason to live. For something as vast
as changing the world or something as minuscule as watching the next episode of
“How I Met Your Mother” ... come on!!! Don’t you at least want to live long enough
to find out who the mother is?
The problem is that sometimes, we’re too exhausted to search
for reasons. We brandish our hardships (not to the world mind you, but to
ourselves. This is an internal conflict) to such an extent that we forget to
even bother searching for reasons to smile. Because at that point of time, when
we’re so caught up in trying to be depressed, we forget the simpler things in
life. We forget that rainbows and sunshines exist for a reason. We forget the
liberating feeling of dancing in the rain. We forget the alluring scent of
roses. We even forget how fucking awesome it feels to have sex!!! Lets face it,
life is not worth giving up when you can still have sex.
So if everyone goes through the same perpetual suicide cycle
– Depression, Cliff hanger, Epiphany, Rejuvenation - Why bother stating the
obvious? Well frankly, I’m just trying to save you all some time. Don’t waste
your days devising devious ways of ending your miserable existence when you
know you won’t do it. Tomorrow might never come, but yesterday most certainly
won’t. You’ll never get back the days you lose. You will die someday. We all
will. There is no need to speed up that process. Let mother nature do her
thing. She’s good at what she does.
Sometimes we feel like giving up because our goals seem
unattainable. We grow tired and impatient and immediately search for the easy
way out. Well if you find one, good for you, but mind you... suicide is not the
answer. You will regret it – whether you survive or live in purgatory – you will
most certainly regret it.
You will get what you want if you truly want it... or you
will die trying. But you will never die in fear of never achieving it. Because
the fear of death conquers all other fears. Every breathing cell in our body
wants to live. We were born to live, to let live and live some more. The odds
are stacked against you.
Toh please bhai, Mother Nature se panga mat lena.
(So please, bro. Don’t pick a fight with mother nature.)
